In one of my first letters to Elena, I told her that even if we decided not to pursue a relationship with each other that it would be nice if we could remain friends. It is very interesting to have a pen pal in another country. It gives you a different outlook on the world, and in this day and age of rapid communications, there is no need to wait weeks or even months for a letter that may get lost along the way. Elena agreed with me and said that she hoped that we could remain friends as well.

It so happens that I have been corresponding with another woman that lives in a different state here in the U.S. Her name is Laura and I met her when she left me a message on one of my web sites one day. We started emailing each other frequently and became great friends. It was a long time before it occurred to me that she might have been interested in more than just friendship. Laura is older than me and has a twenty one year old daughter. Though she is a wonderful, kind, and interesting woman, I could not see the two of us in a romantic relationship.

I agonized about how I would tell Laura this because I really did want to stay friends with her. I had come to love Laura like a close sister. We could talk about just about anything. I decided that the truth was the best approach. I told her that I just wanted to be "friends". How could the word "friends" have such a horrible sound to it? It's become like an old cliché, like "it's not you...it's me". Of course I thought that Laura would be disappointed at first, but I knew that if I truly did stay friends with her that it would all work out eventually.

I explained to Elena in a letter briefly what had transpired between Laura and I. I told Elena that I hoped I would not end up with the same fate as Laura in my relationship with her. In the past when I was a young man, there was a woman that I pursued for months on end. I told her how much I liked her, and she told me how much she liked my friends! In fact, she ended up dating most of them, so I understand how difficult it is to just be friends with someone that you are romantically interested in.

For the first month or so, every letter that Elena sent to me seemed to be missing a page. It became very frustrating after a while because I would often have to wait a day or two before being able to write back to her. One day I received a letter from her and it was long and sweet and it really touched my heart. I felt closer to her than I had ever felt previously. It seemed like I was starting to win her over, and it made me very happy, except that the letter was missing the last page. To make it worse, the letter ended in mid sentence and my curiosity was peaked as to how it would end. I waited two days to receive the last page and then it came.

I felt a lump in my throat and my heart sank into my stomach. There was that word; the one I had been dreading from the beginning. I cannot remember exactly how it was phrased, but Elena wrote something to the effect of; "I guess that we are in agreement that we are friends now. Am I wrong?" In the instant that I read that, I felt confused and rejected. I thought of Laura and how she must have felt and then I wondered what I could have said to make Elena think that. I started typing feverishly as I wanted to find out what I had said or done to make Elena think such a thing. I sent the letter and waited.

The next two days passed by like weeks, and then the letter came. I had told Elena that she was completely and entirely wrong and that I viewed her as more than a friend. She wrote back and said "We write to each other, care for one another, and enjoy each other's company. Is that not what a friend is? Aren't we friends Tim?" Then she apologized and said she has trouble interpreting English sometimes. I had completely forgotten that I was corresponding with a woman in a foreign country whose native language was not English. Elena was so good with her translations that I often forgot this. Now I felt very foolish.

I wrote back to Elena with my own apology this time. I really felt bad that I had jumped to conclusions and realized that it was only a cultural difference that had caused our misunderstanding. I know that I made Elena feel bad as well because she blamed herself, and thought she had not translated properly. Elena's dream is to be a professional translator, so she is very tough on herself when it comes to being correct. I explained to Elena about the other use of the word "friends" when telling someone that you don't desire a romantic relationship with them. I think that it would be better for everyone if this use of the word didn't exist. It took us a week and several letters to come to an understanding with each other, but now we truly are friends, or are we friends and much more?